WOOW!!! YOU SHOULD SEE THIS IF YOU ARE TRYING TO RE-CLAIM YOUR SEX LIFE AFTER PARENTHOOD.

Getting back into the swing of your sex life is probably WAY easier than you think.

A big sigh of relief, Finally. The work day is over, the dinner dishes are washed, the chores are done, and the kiddies are tucked away for bedtime. Finally, you and your partner can be alone.

And just when things are getting steamy, you hear it: Knock knock knock.

And with a creeping dread, you hear a small voice through the door call, "Mooooom?"

Sexy-time thwarted again.

The worst, am I right? When will you two ever have some time alone? If you're a parent – you totally get it. Intimacy – and how often it happens – changes after becoming a mom or dad.

YourTango and the makers of Trojan™ Lubricants surveyed more than one thousand parents to ask them how having children affected their sex lives. Before becoming parents, the majority of respondents said they enjoyed sex almost every day. After kids? That dropped to a 15-minute quickie once or twice a week. And 78 percent of people confessed that they have less sex now that they are parents.

You know that their little lives have changed your life forever – and while you wouldn’t change anything about that for the world, it's not exactly doing wonders for your sex life. So how can you take back your sex life? We consulted sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Logan Levkoff for tips on how to embrace your changed sex life after parenthood. And believe us when we say, it changes, but change isn't always a bad thing.

Be Spontaneous, Be Inventive!

Parents are the masterminds of being creative, whether it's helping your kids on their science projects or explaining long division to them. So bring that ingenuity and spontaneity to your sex life!

For one, your parent "play date" should always be a kid-free zone. Get a babysitter to keep an eye on your little ones (even if it's just for an hour or so) and sneak away together. Run off into the backyard woods for some "fresh air." Or tiptoe over to the garage and clamber into the backseat of the car, making out like a couple of teenagers.

And at night, don't let your kids sleep in bed with you. Keep the bedroom a "mommy/daddy only" space. That’s not to say you should leave your toddler running amok through the house unsupervised or neglect them when they run crying to your room after being shaken awake by a scary nightmare. But once your kids go to bed, generally, that's where they should stay – in their own beds. Naptime means nookie time for you!

Secondly, talk in code. This can be fun! Meet eyes with your partner across the room and announce that you have to "pay the electricity bill" with a flirty wink. Or tell the kids you both need to have a "timeout." Think of this wordplay as foreplay.

And don’t just stop there. Try a crazy new position, that new sex toy or that oh-so tempting Trojan™ Arouses & Intensifies lubricant. It all adds up to making your sex life oh so steamy.

Let’s Redefine "Sexy Time"

Prioritize play time (and no, we aren’t talking about the kids). Sure, you're both utterly exhausted and ready to collapse into bed. Sex is probably the last thing on both your minds. And we know, we know: Scheduling sex is about the least sexy thing. But here’s the good news: The best sex doesn't just happen between the sheets, after dark.

"Intercourse is not the only sex act out there!" Levkoff says. “There are many behaviors that add up to pleasure, find what you and your partner love to do and have time for.” 

For you and your partner, maybe "sexy time" is slipping into a hot bathtub frothing with bubbles and lined with dimly lit candles, wine glasses in hand. Maybe it's going to see a movie together (other than Frozen). Or hey, maybe it's something as simple as meaningful pillow talk after tucking the kids into bed. Whatever makes you feel closer and more bonded with your partner is something to make time for and can lead heightened sexual pleasure in the long run.

You’re Not Just 'Mom' Or 'Dad' – Love Yourself!

When you have a little one, it flips your whole world upside down. You go from being a lover to "Mom" or "Dad." You go from putting your needs first to putting the needs of your children first. And somewhere between the piles of dirty diapers and the spills on the floor, your sense of self gets lost in the mix. Take it back!

As part of redefining intimacy, you have to redefine your own sexuality. Dr. Levkoff suggests doings the things that make you feel sexy in your life – inside and outside of the bedroom. Go ahead and splurge on that sexy lingerie that you’re sure will make his jaw drop. Pamper yourself to a yummy flavored latte. Or treat yourself to playing 15 uninterrupted minutes of songs off your favorite album. You'll feel great, fulfilled and on-top-of-the-world confident. And confidence is sexy and a turn-on – for your partner and for yourself.

Stop With The Excuses – Make Love-Makin' A Priority

Sure, there are going to be nights when it's just not happening, but so often, we parents can find one excuse or another to put our needs (and sometimes, even the needs of our partner) aside for the sake of family or sleep. In fact, in our survey, 60 percent of parents said that they would forgo a night of passion for some extra sleep. Some of the other excuses topping the list? They were too busy or the kids were around.

Make a pact together: Never say "no" to one another. If you're not in the mood, try to get yourself in the mood with the help of a little foreplay or perhaps your favorite Trojan vibrator. Remember, happy parents have happy kids!

Presented by makers of Trojan Lubricants

TIPS FOR RAISING PERFECT, UNSPOILED, ANGEL KIDS

In Other Words: How Not To Raise A Spoiled Brat (You’re Welcome)

In my private practice I often see affluent families struggling with wanting to raise "grateful and unspoiled children" despite being wealthy, going on lavish vacations, having beautiful homes and owning the latest gadgets, toys and luxury cars. They ask me if it is really possible and my answer is "Yes, but you are going to have to work hard at it." I call it intentional parenting and it takes discipline to pull it off.

So, here is my list of the top 10 things around which you need to have clarity and consistent follow through in order to raise unspoiled children.

 

1. Say no...often. Practice delayed gratification and simply not always giving your children what they want, even if you can easily afford it. 
2. Expect gratitude. Go beyond teaching your child to say please and thank you. Also teach them eye contact, a proper hand shake, affection and appreciation for the kind and generous things that are said and given to them. If this does not happen, have them return the gift (either to the person or to you for safe keeping) and explain that they aren't yet ready to receive such a gift.
3. Practice altruism yourself. Donate clothes and toys to those in need (not just to your neighbors when it's easy and they have younger children!) and have your kids be a part of that process. Do this regularly as a family and sort through, package and deliver the goods together so the kids really see where their things are going. Do this often and not just around the holidays.
4. Be mindful of the company you keep. If you only hang around other affluent families who are not raising their kids with intention, you may be surrounding yourself with those who will not help out with what you are trying to accomplish. Be sure family or friends you are spending significant time with have similar values to yours, otherwise you are going to feel defeated after a while.
5. Write thank you cards. Yes, handwritten on paper with a pen! Kids these days generally have shorter attention spans, are easily distracted and aren't taught to take careful time and attention to express their appreciation. This simple yet important act can go a long way as a skill to teach expression of feelings and thoughtfulness.
6. Don't catch every fall. Practice natural consequences from an early age — share some of your own experiences and teach them lessons such as "life is not fair." In addition, don't over-protect them from disappointments. You have to really understand and believe that failing and falling is a part successful childhood development.
7. Resist the urge to buy multiples of things. Just because you can doesn't mean that you should! Don't buy four American Girl Dolls—buy just one and have your child loveand appreciate what they have.
8. Talk to their grandparents and explain your intentions to them. Share with them your desires to have respectful, appreciative, kind and responsible children and the ways in which you are going to achieve that goal. You will need their help in doing this if they are like most grandparents who want to spoil their grandkids! Ask them to spoil them with love, time, affection and attention—not toys, treats and money.
9. Teach them the value of money. Have your child manage their money through saving, giving to charity/others and then spending.  If you do this from an early age you are truly setting a foundation of responsible wealth management.
10. Share your story. Last but not least, you should tell your kids the legacy of your family's fortune. When I say wealth or fortune, that is all relative. If you come from significant wealth tell the story of how that was earned and created. If you are self-made, tell that story too—just don't forget that "giving your kids everything that you didn't have" is not always a good thing. There is probably a lot that you learned along the way by stumbling to make you the person you are today.

And at the end of the day, if you have a spoiled child—one who relentlessly nags, cries and throws a huge fit when they do not get what they want—you only have yourself to blame! Stop giving in and start applying most if not all of these values and approaches. You will have greater enjoyment in being a parent, your child will be happier and better adjusted and there will be greater peace and love in your home. And that is something money cannot buy.

ARTICLE CONTRIBUTED BY

ADVANCED MEMBER

Dr. Sheryl Ziegler

Counselor/Therapist

Sheryl G. Ziegler, Psy.D., L.P.C., R.P.T

Doctor of Psychology

WOW!!! 4 THINGS BLACK FATHERS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT RAISING SONS

I bet you dn't know this as a father, well read and thank me latter.

Photo Credit: iStock

By Keith Dent

As my phone rang, I touched the red button on my iPhone and said, “Hello.” Henry pleaded, “Coach, I need your help.”

Henry was a student of mine whom I had mentored since he was a senior in high school. He was now a 28 year-old single parent of a 3-year-old son. He had just recently received sole custody of the boy and was doing everything he could to raise his son the right way.

Henry’s son had just lashed out physically against his girlfriend. When Henry asked him to apologize, he refused and began to cry uncontrollably. Henry was at his wits end, because he had no idea what to do next, who would he ask for parenting advice.

It wasn’t just because Henry was new to this parenting thing. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any history on how to raise a son because his father didn’t raise him. He died at an early age. But he’s not the only black male to grow up without a dad around. The epidemic of fatherless sons is far too common now in the African-American community and it’s having life and death implications for our sons.

According to Children: Our Ultimate Investment, 72 percent of black children were born to unwed mothers in 2008, the most recent year for figures. The figures are 17 percent for Asians, 29 percent for whites, 53 percent for Hispanics and 66 percent for Native Americans were born to unwed mothers in 2008, the most recent year for which government figures are available. Other telling figures:

• Children in father-absent homes are almost four times more likely to be poor. In 2011, 12 percent of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 44 percent of children in mother-only families.
• Children in father-absent households had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. Youths who never had a father in the household experienced the highest odds.
• Adolescents, particularly boys, in single-parent families were at higher risk of status, property and person delinquencies. Moreover, students attending schools with a high proportion of children of single parents are also at risk.

By not having a male role model, Henry had planned to use the only discipline he was expected to use, physical punishment. Fortunately, he reached out to me first. (I have two boys who I have been blessed with raising.) I offered these suggestions that will go a long way to saving our black boys to suffering the same fates as Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown and Eric Garner and countless others.

 1. Use Your Words

In school we taught our kids at an early age to use their words to express their feelings. One of the challenges is as men we don’t often practice what we preach and lash out physically when we get frustrated. Since our boys are going to emulate our actions, then we have to start modeling less physical methods of confrontation. Minnesota Vikings player Adrian Peterson used corporal punishment because that’s the way he was raised. Your son will do the same thing and it may eventually land him in a situation he may regret.

 2. Apologize for Your Actions

We must help our sons realize that their actions have consequences. If you are going to lash out, commit a crime, beat up your wife, or attack a police officer there will be consequences which you can’t control. In order to make amends, you must apologize for your actions. We can no longer claim to be a victim for our behavior.

 3. Acknowledge You Have a Choice

After doing the wrong thing, show him how to do it right. By showing him he has an alternative, will empower him to hopefully make the right choice when he is confronted again. I know Eric Garner was tired of being harassed by the police for the same crime. Instead of initially letting the police take him into custody, he chose to put up a fight which ended fatally. Walk away if things get too intense.

Henry, as an inexperienced father, was ready to lash out at his son. The pressure of the crying, the constant whining was getting too intense for him to handle. Since we’re taught to not back down from conflict, or a challenge he was prepared to handle it the only way he knew how.

"I’m ready to give spank him," he said. Then I asked him, "Imagine if this was you being hit? How would you feel about that?" The smart thing to do is to walk away, count to 10, gather your thoughts then come back to address the issue. According to the testimony of police officer, Darren Wilson, Michael Brown was asked to just walk on the sidewalk. Michael Brown, chose to not to walk away, but to confront. 

 4. Hug Him and Tell Him You Love Him

When I was talking to Henry, I could hear his son in the background yelling, “Daddy, Daddy!” So I told him, “You need to assure your son you’re not leaving.” Unfortunately, his son’s mother after a couple of years of arguing with Henry on how to raise their son, decided she wanted no part of it, and left him sole custody. At 3, he was still trying to process not seeing his mother every day, just as he would if Henry was not there.

AWWW!!! SEE THE DAD THAT SET A WORLD RECORD WITH XMAS LIGHT DISPLAY

Photo by Kym Smith/News Corp Australia

Christmas lights are a surefire sign that the holiday season is upon us. But perhaps no one takes holiday decorations quite as seriously as Australian dad David Richards, who claimed the Guinness World Record title last week for his Christmas display made of 1.2 million LED lights.

Richards, who also holds the world record for the most Christmas lights on a residential property (502,165 in his home display last year), strung together 1,194,380 lights — that’s 75 miles of multicolored bulbs! — to create a 3D image of three wrapped gifts set in front of a illuminated holiday backdrop, according to Guinness World Records.

Photo: Alan Porritt/AAP Image/AP Photo

The holiday display, which Richards set up with the help of volunteers including architects, civil engineers, construction companies and sound engineers, is on display at a shopping area in Australia’s capital city of Canberra and is expected to attract 200,000 visitors, according to News Corp Australia.

Richards, a lawyer and father of three, uses the extraordinary light show to raise money for Sid's and Kids, an Australian organization dedicated to raising awareness for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and supporting bereaved families. In 2002, Richards and his wife lost their one-month-old son Thomas to SIDS, and he told News Corp Australia that he wants to help other parents get the necessary counseling after losing a child. “How do you get in the car and leave?” he told the site about leaving the hospital after such tragedy.

Photo: Stefan Postles/Getty Images AsiaPac/Getty Images

Since starting with his elaborate light displays, Richards has already raised more than $200,000 for the charity, according to Guinness World Records.

The current light extravaganza, which was nine months in the making, is free for visitors through New Year’s Eve, though donations to Sids and Kids are encouraged.

Richards’ display overturned a previous record of 181,540 lights set in southern Uzbekistan.

Rachel BertscheWriterDecember 1, 2014

RACISM: SHOCKING REVELATION FROM A WHITE DAD

7 Things I Can Do That My Black Son Can’t

Calvin HennickDecember 28, 2014

The writer with his son. Photo courtesy of Calvin Hennick.

Since Yahoo Parenting launched on Oct. 23, the editors and writers have posted nearly 600 stories on the site. They chose this article – originally published on Oct. 27 – as a highlight of the pieces that offer trusted advice, inspire provocative conversations, and hopefully add a little fun to your life, every day.

In the days after the Michael Brown shooting, I wrote an essay titled “I Hope My Son Stays White,” detailing my fears about what might happen to my biracial three-year-old son if he grows up to have dark skin. The upshot: America, to its shame, is still a place where black males are feared, and I don’t want that fear to turn itself on my son in a way that leads to his arrest or death.

STORY: Dad’s Conversations About Race: ‘Most White Kids Don’t Get This Talk’

I published the piece on Ebony.com, and the reactions from black readers ranged from “sad but true” to allegations that I myself was engaging in the very racism and colorism that I was decrying. But buried among these was a comment from a white reader who accused me of “sucking up to black folk” and then went on to list the supposed advantages of being black in America. (Apparently, according to this reader, my son will have an unearned fast track to a career as an air traffic controller. Um, okay?)

STORY: NFL Star Jason Witten on Life as a Dad and His (Growing) Family

I can’t help but think that, if the essay had been published in an outlet with a larger white readership, many more commenters would have chimed in to deny the continued existence of racism. In my experience, white people (and straight people, and male people, and Christian people — all groups of which I’m a member) tend to dismiss the notion that we’re privileged. It’s an uncomfortable thing to acknowledge that you’re the recipient of unfair benefits, especially when those benefits are often nearly invisible to those who receive them.

But when you’re a parent, those privileges stop being invisible. It’s the reason why male congressmen with daughters are more likely to support women’s issues. It’s the reason why Ohio Sen. Rob Portman suddenly declared his support for same-sex marriage after his son came out as gay. And it’s the reason why, everywhere I look, I see hassles that my son will have to face that I don’t. Here’s a partial list of things I can take for granted, but which will likely be problematic for my son:

1. I Can Walk Through a Store Without Being Followed

To take one high-profile instance, Macy’s and the city of New Yorkrecently settled with actor Robert Brown, who was handcuffed, humiliated, and accused of committing credit card fraud after buying an expensive watch at the store.

I never have to worry about this happening to me.

2. I Can Succeed Without It Being Attributed to My Race

When my wife, who is black, received her acceptance letter from Boston College, a peer told her she must have gotten in due to affirmative action, effectively ruining the experience of receiving the letter.

When I succeed, people assume I’ve earned it.

3. I Learned About My Ancestors’ History in School

I can tell you all about Louis XIV, Socrates, and the Magna Carta, but I always wondered when we would finally learn about African history (beyond Pharaohs and pyramids). The subject never came up.

4. I Can Lose My Temper in Traffic

Once, an acquaintance who got into a confrontation while driving told me how scared she was of the other driver, describing him as a “big black guy.” When I get heated, no one attributes it to my race.

5. I Can Loiter in Wealthy Neighborhoods

No one has ever called the cops on me to report a “suspicious person.” My wife can’t say the same.

6. I Can Complain About Racism

When I point out that black people are incarcerated at alarming rates, or largely forced to send their children to under performing schools, or face systemic discrimination when searching for jobs and housing, no one accuses me of “playing the race card.”

7. I Can Count on Being Met on My Own Terms

If I’m being treated poorly, I don’t stop and think about whether it’s due to my race. But unless we somehow make a giant leap forward, my son will always have to wonder.

Recently, I became a father for the second time. My daughter, only three months old, will grow up to face many of the same challenges as my son, on top of the extra ones that come with being a woman: the struggle for equal pay, the catcalling, the constant threat of sexual assault.

I don’t want to give my children a complex about all of this, but I can’t wish these problems away, either. I can’t eliminate all the unfair hurdles that exist in the world. I can only do my best to raise kids who are able to jump over them.